I know what you’re thinking: “This idiot is on his second blog post and he is going to try to tackle Batman vs. Superman?” Well guess what…this idiot absolutely is. I’m controversial by nature. Let’s do this.
The question among many-a-nerd is this: Who would win in a fight? Batman or Superman? People are so divided on this that I actually think we should get Christian Bale and Christopher Reeve together to settle the debate once and for all…Dig him up!!
Some people may say it should be a fight until the other person gives up, and that’s a bunch of crap. Do you really think Batman or Superman would ever give up in a fight? Look at these guys:
Can you imagine trying to break up that fight? I don’t think so.
The truest test is a fight to the death. That is the only real way to know who would win. With that said, let’s take a look at our challengers.
Very very cool, both as Bruce Wayne and as Batman. Batman is certainly the pick for the under 30 crowd. The masculinity and awesomeness of George Clooney really won them over. The mask is a smart move (you be careful. People in masks cannot be trusted (sweet PB quote (look it up))). The helmet section protects his head and he has a sweet suit that is made out of some sort of kevlar material (I realize I’m out of my element here, but stick with me).
The belt! This is the thing that all Batman proponents bring up. The utility belt does come with some great features. For a full description, click here. I must warn you, I fell asleep from the nerdum I was reading.
Lastly, Batman is tough. He’s gritty. He is not a quitter. He is also human and that may come back to bite him in this battle with ol’ Superman.
A giant nerd as Clark Kent (literally a giant. How anyone in the DC Comics universe cannot see that Clark Kent is Superman is just baffling). Superman seems to be the pick for the over 30 crowd. I think it’s because they have seen more Superman movies and really know what Superman is capable of (these people have been around the block when it comes to Superman knowledge).
Let me rattle off a few Superman features for you: lasers coming out of his eyes, a body that cannot be harmed in any way (except one, which we will get to in a second), he can fly, he is faster than a speeding bullet. He basically has no earthly limitations to what he can do.
Now, let’s get this “super important” argument out of the way: kryptonite. Yes, Superman’s one weakness. This is the only argument that can be made in support of Batman.
It’s About to Get Real
Listen, I am not in the blogging business just to become rich and famous. I do this to educate and to drop knowledge and, most importantly, keep it real.
Although Batman is awesome and probably cooler, you have to take Superman in a fight to the death. Just take a deep breath and accept the truth.
I know what you’re thinking, “But what about the kryptonite!!??” Let me answer your question with another question, who brings kryptonite to a fight? The answer is obviously nobody. Technically, Batman shouldn’t even be allowed to bring his fancy belt to the fight. Superman could just bring a gun and blow Batman’s brains out.
You see, in a fair fight it needs to be man against man (or in this case, man against Kryptonian). If that’s the case, you would be silly to choose Batman. Superman is just too overwhelming.
Bats may bite you and make you really strong, but you will still be no match for the invincible Kryptonian. Write that down.
There are few perfect things in this world, so when you come across a perfect thing, you must celebrate it. I write today to discuss one particular perfect thing. It is a snack food that is perfect in every way; I will get into the specifics in a minute. No, I am not talking about Nutella, the most overrated spread in the history of spreads. First of all, peanut butter is WAY better than Nutella, but somehow the mind-controlling marketers have used their hypnotic powers to trick people into believing that Nutella is healthy and tastes better than peanut butter. Let’s get real folks, Nutella is just flavorless chocolate. No health benefits and no flavor. Let me drop some knowledge on you, Wikipedia style: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nutella. Just look at the class action lawsuit section, you might be able to learn a few things. Stop falling for the lies.
But guess what, I am not here to write about non-perfect snack foods, I am here to write about a perfect one. Here it is…wait for it…Cheez-Its. Wow, did you feel that? What you just felt was knowledge rushing through your entire body. You can take a minute to let that sink in.
I have been eating Cheez-Its my entire life, but just recently realized that it is a perfect snack food. Let’s break this down by category:
1 inch by 1 inch…perfect. Ok ok, if we are being accurate, the dimensions are actually 1 inch by .95 inches. But what’s great is that those dimensions are still perfect. Large enough to eat one at a time and small enough to comfortably stuff your face with as many as you possibly can.
We haven’t discussed perfect dairy foods yet, but I think it’s safe to say that cheese is at the top of that category. With that said, Cheez-its look like freaking cheddar cheese! That silky orange color is so inviting, I mean look at these things:
Baked cheesy salty goodness. Need I say more? Cheez-its have the perfect crunch, which compliments the cheese and salt combination. You can’t beat that!
There will come a time when someone offers you a snack and says, “Guess what? We have Nutella!!” Just look into their soul. You will be able to see the conformatism in their eyes. They will be waiting for your approval, like a drug addict waiting for confirmation that it’s cool to do drugs. That’s when you can say, “Hey, you got any Cheeze-Its?” Wow, what a great experience you will have together as you break free from the bondage of Nutella and join the ranks of a real, special and perfect snack food that is the Cheez-It.