The Perfect Snack Food
There are few perfect things in this world, so when you come across a perfect thing, you must celebrate it. I write today to discuss one particular perfect thing. It is a snack food that is perfect in every way; I will get into the specifics in a minute. No, I am not talking about Nutella, the most overrated spread in the history of spreads. First of all, peanut butter is WAY better than Nutella, but somehow the mind-controlling marketers have used their hypnotic powers to trick people into believing that Nutella is healthy and tastes better than peanut butter. Let’s get real folks, Nutella is just flavorless chocolate. No health benefits and no flavor. Let me drop some knowledge on you, Wikipedia style: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nutella. Just look at the class action lawsuit section, you might be able to learn a few things. Stop falling for the lies.
But guess what, I am not here to write about non-perfect snack foods, I am here to write about a perfect one. Here it is…wait for it…Cheez-Its. Wow, did you feel that? What you just felt was knowledge rushing through your entire body. You can take a minute to let that sink in.
I have been eating Cheez-Its my entire life, but just recently realized that it is a perfect snack food. Let’s break this down by category:
1 inch by 1 inch…perfect. Ok ok, if we are being accurate, the dimensions are actually 1 inch by .95 inches. But what’s great is that those dimensions are still perfect. Large enough to eat one at a time and small enough to comfortably stuff your face with as many as you possibly can.
We haven’t discussed perfect dairy foods yet, but I think it’s safe to say that cheese is at the top of that category. With that said, Cheez-its look like freaking cheddar cheese! That silky orange color is so inviting, I mean look at these things:
Baked cheesy salty goodness. Need I say more? Cheez-its have the perfect crunch, which compliments the cheese and salt combination. You can’t beat that!
There will come a time when someone offers you a snack and says, “Guess what? We have Nutella!!” Just look into their soul. You will be able to see the conformatism in their eyes. They will be waiting for your approval, like a drug addict waiting for confirmation that it’s cool to do drugs. That’s when you can say, “Hey, you got any Cheeze-Its?” Wow, what a great experience you will have together as you break free from the bondage of Nutella and join the ranks of a real, special and perfect snack food that is the Cheez-It.